My Heart

Truth is guys,

I'm having a war with my heart.

It happens every once in a while... and I don't much like it.

I know what I'm supposed to do, in my heart, but I'd rather be a coward and try to ignore this horrible nagging feeling.

I've been having a terribly hard week.

I feel as if....if I try all this and try to get my life back on track the "right" way that I know, my entire life is going to change and I'll end up in a terrible situation again. I'm alone here and I don't want to be even more alone.

The reason why I would be is cause I know that my husband isn't going to go along with this. He may say yes but I know in his heart his answer is no. I'm tired of the empty promises and I know, I think, where I can get promises that won't be just words.

...But I'm Scared...

I almost wish someone really was reading this, then maybe I could be honest just like this and someone could help me and show me what to do. I've always been that person but rarely am I in this position and it's scary. I don't know how to ask for help.

To be honest sometimes I'm up late and I look and my phone and look at the time and think to myself "Wow I really need to talk to someone right now but there's no one I can call." Maybe that's what I tell myself because none of my so-called friends will even talk to me anyways. The most interaction I get is from classmates that I've never met before that are a lot older than me. Yipeee....