Why?

For some strange reason, my emotions are EVERYWHERE.

Now for a quick update:

Josh left me over two months ago. He doesn't live here anymore.

He came home one night with divorce papers and didn't come home after a couple of days.

There's another story, too, but we don't need to get into that...

Guess what else?

I fucking miss him. Like he has NO clue.

And I feel like an IDIOT for missing him because he is nothing but a self-centered jerk who never EVER cared about me nearly as much as he let on.

I keep keeping myself from spilling my guts to him because it will do no good...

Meanwhile,

my heart aches for him every day, I torture myself by trying to see him, and still dream of him.

I'm just really tired of being alone.

Why are some guys such dicks?

I just don't know what to do or how to feel. It's so hard being around him but this isn't reason enough to uproot my son again...

is it? Cause seeing him kills me.

Just trying to take things one day at a time..

We'll see how it goes.

Till next time.